A Contradiction

I love driving but I hate it at the same time.

I love the freedom it WILL give me
but I hate being in a situation where I can actually kill or get killed.
I love the fact that I can actually sing out loud during long drives
but I hate the fact that I have to be 100% aware of my surroundings.
(FOCUS-something I lack.)
I love the thought of driving my friends around
but I hate fv**ing insensitive b*****s who go honking at me for being slightly slow after a turn.
(CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRAINING HERE. HONKING WON'T MAKE ME GO ANY FASTER, IT WILL ONLY TENSE ME UP EVEN MORE)(OKEI, I KNOW THEY DON'T KNOW I'M TRAINING. BASTA, BE SENSITIVE BEH! RARR)

PLUS THE HANDBOOK SAYS HONKING IS RUDE.

I've been training for a month now, and yesss contrary to what I might have imposed prior this paragraph, I'm getting better. HA. But my stupid nerves won't let me gooo. Go awaaaaaaaay. *pulling hair and jumping up and down(repeat)*The moment I start the engine, I get the jitters. Lord KALMA LANG. Hay, plus I hate the fact that I'm so sensitive. When I get honked at, I get pissed. (and I stay pissed for the next half hour or so) I just need to learn how to let go and move on.

I think maybe I'm so in love with the "I'm driving to the mall, see you there." or "I'm going to pick you up okay?" idea that I can't wait to get my license. Agh the autonomy of "I'll go where I want to go, when I want to go". But I'm learning everyday that it's just one of those things I have to get used to before I can go do it on my own. Rarr. But I'm hoping it'll will be soon because school is around the corner and I wouldn't want to waste 30minutes more sleep time to sitting at the back of the bus dozing off like a street bum.